Cherish Every Moment: 3 Strategies to Make the Most of Time with Your Family

Sep 13

Written By Chase

This reflective piece chronicles a chaotic family evening at the beach, highlighting the shift in perspective from "killing time" to cherishing every moment with loved ones. It introduces three key strategies to make this transition: changing your mindset by practicing mindfulness and emphasizing quality, preserving your energy through self-care and effective time management, and planning ahead for meaningful family time. Ultimately, it encourages readers to treasure the fleeting moments with their families, savoring the simple joys of life and creating lasting memories.

Photo of mom affectionately holding child on a sunny day at the beach.

Quality Time over Killing Time

It had been a long day at the beach. We were stuck in the condo, all seven of us: 2 grandparents, 2 parents, 2 toddlers, and 1 infant. The chaos was ramping up, I was tired, but a lot still needed to happen to get three kids wound down and into bed before any hope of rest. It was that time of day when the littlest one was no longer pacified with his toys and needed to be held. His two older sisters were fighting over the mermaid doll one of them got from the aquarium. There were crumbs that needed swept, toys that needed picked up, pjs that needed put on, and… well, you know, all the things. I like to joke around for some reason, even in those moments when I know my wife won’t find it funny; this was one of those times. I spoke up through the noise and said, “I think I’m going to go for a walk on the beach.”

As if ready for it, my wife said, “Great. Take one of them with you.”

Not exactly what I was shooting for, but it wasn’t a bad idea. She did say only one of them! So, I scooped up Shay, our four-year old, helped her put on her sandals, and we walked out. After crossing the threshold, I looked at my watch. 30 minutes. I needed to fill 30 minutes of time to give the adults time to do all the things and get the other two kids in bed.

So, we headed for the beach to kill time. Then I would get to sit.

At this time of day, the beach was much less crowded. That, coupled with the fact that the tide was out, gave us plenty of room. We walked a short way down the beach. Shay had kicked off her sandals and was walking with her feet in the water. She was holding up her shorts to keep them from getting wet, even though they were far from touching the water. It made me smile as I wondered, “who did she see doing that?”

She began to run, splash, and play. I stood in the sand, holding her size four, tie dye sandals and watched. I couldn’t help but smile as I witnessed her joy, her innocence, her life. At some point, the purpose of this outing had changed from simply killing time to something much more. In fact, the idea of killing time became appalling. I wanted to find more! I wanted time to slow down so I could be in this moment longer.

Her bed time was approaching, but I didn’t care. I was prepared to stretch this out as long as I could. Even to revive lost time if possible.

The truth is, you can’t kill time, but you can waste it. And when I am able to step back and see with clarity how precious this time is, the idea of wasting it…like I said earlier, is “appalling.” Yet, I am the principal of hypocrites because I do it so often! I get home tired and look up at the clock, counting down the time till they will be in bed—so I can just sit on the couch and do something mindless (i.e., lifeless) for the rest of the evening, so I can then go to sleep, so I can just get up and do it again.

When doing some rough math for our oldest (4): Before she leaves the nest, we have remaining roughly:

- 28 family vacations

- 700 weekends

- 3500 random weeknights

I think we can absolutely agree, that is not nearly enough. Especially when I consider that a chunk of those may be siphoned away by the “too cool for my parents” teenage years. To think that I would want to ‘kill’ any of that time!

3 Strategies to move from ‘Killing Time’ to ‘Cherishing Every Moment’

So, how do we change this desire to ‘kill time’ to an eagerness to savor every blessed moment? Instead of wasting precious time, how do you make the most of every minute? It takes being intentional with our mindset, our energy reserves, and our planning.

Changing Your Mindset

Changing our mindset from "killing time" to "this time is precious," is a potent shift with the power to transform our experience with our children. Here are three ways to cultivate this kind of mindset:

Practice mindfulness: I love the phrase “be where your feet are,” but that is much easier said than done when we have so much on our minds and filling our plates. Being present in the moment and fully engaged with our children is key to recognizing the value of each moment. Instead of allowing our minds to wander, or constantly looking ahead to the next task or event, we can make a conscious effort to focus on the present and appreciate the time we have with our kids. This takes practice! Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help us center ourselves and bring our attention to the here and now.

TRY THIS: Something that helps me is keeping a note on my phone that I can jot down the things distracting me so I can address them later. There is something about putting it down on a note that allows me to more easily put it down mentally.

Emphasize quality over quantity: It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed by all we need to do. However, when we shift our perspective to prioritize quality time with our children, we begin to cherish and make the most of the moments we have together. Whether it's carving out dedicated one-on-one time, creating family traditions, or simply being fully engaged during daily routines, focusing on the quality of our interactions allows us to create meaningful connections and memories.

TRY THIS: A practice that can help focus on quality is to ask yourself questions similar to this: “How could I use this moment to make a memory my child will cherish?” or “How can I use this moment to teach my child something meaningful?”

Find joy in the little things: It is amazing how children have an incredible ability to find joy and wonder in the simplest of things, and we can learn from them. By slowing down and appreciating the small moments, like watching them play, listening to their stories, or even participating in their imaginative games, we can tap into the magic of childhood and see the world through their eyes. Cultivating a sense of gratitude for these everyday experiences helps us recognize the value and preciousness of the time we spend with our kids.

TRY THIS: Try keeping a gratitude journal, or creating a dedicated note on your phone to jot down the small things that you notice. It could be things your children say, do, or learn. Not only will it help you find joy, but you will also be glad you captured those memories later in life.

Preserving Energy

Having an empty tank when I get home is one of the biggest blows to my ability to enjoy my family (and truthfully, for them to enjoy me). Preserving mental, emotional, and physical energy for our families is crucial for creating meaningful and fulfilling experiences together. Here are three ways to preserve and replenish your energy:

Prioritizing Self-care and Boundaries: Every activity we partake in, and every thought we allow residence in our mind, will either drain us or refill us. Prioritize self-care activities that recharge you mentally, emotionally, and physically. This can include practices such as regular exercise, quality sleep, healthy eating, engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy, and setting aside time for relaxation and rejuvenation. Find what recharges you and make a point to add that into your regular routine. At the same time, determine what drains you so you can start removing them, or at least become more mindful of the toll they charge on your energy. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's necessary for your overall well-being and enables you to show up fully for your family. Establishing healthy boundaries is also important. By setting clear boundaries, you create space to recharge and focus on what truly matters.

TRY THIS: Practice saying, “No!”. Learning to say “no” to excessive commitments or activities that drain your energy and leave you feeling overwhelmed. Remember, when you say “yes” to one thing, you are always saying “no” to something else. Make sure your well-being and your family get your “yes” so they can get your best!

Time Management and Organization: Efficiently managing your time and staying organized can help reduce stress and conserve energy for your family. Plan and prioritize your tasks ahead of time, establish routines, and delegate responsibilities whenever possible. Streamlining your daily routines can free up more time for meaningful interactions with your loved ones. A common example is the late Steve Jobs’ practice of wearing the same outfit every day. It removed one decision from his mental load each day, reserving a bit of energy to be used on something of more value. Utilize calendars, to-do lists, or digital tools to keep track of commitments and avoid unnecessary last-minute rushes. By managing your time effectively, you can alleviate stress and have more energy to invest in your family.

TRY THIS: Incorporate a regular family planning meeting. My wife and I meet every week to plan out meals, when we will go to the gym, and what family activities we want to do that week. Having that planned alleviates stress and removes one more decision from our day.

Simplify and Prioritize: Simplify your life by decluttering your physical and mental spaces. Physical clutter can be overwhelming and drain your energy, so create an organized and calming environment at home. Additionally, simplify your mental space by practicing mindfulness, meditation, or journaling, to reduce stress and focus on the present moment. Prioritize what truly matters to you and your family. Identify your core values and align your activities and commitments accordingly. This allows you to direct your energy towards what brings the most fulfillment and joy to your family life.

TRY THIS: Plan time to make a family mission statement. This process takes time, but it can be so impactful. It allows your family to bond and create clarity on family values. Making a family mission statement and then designing your life around it is one of the best ways to be intentional with life and family.

Plan Ahead for Meaningful Time:

We touched on this above, but I can’t overstate the value of planning. We plan out each week because we know ourselves. We know that when we get into the week, our will power will often become depleted. When will power is gone and I’m faced with doing something meaningful or vegging out in front of Netflix, Netflix will win 9 out of 10 times. But if I have already planned to do something meaningful with my family, the chances are a lot higher we will. To help plan for intentional family time ahead of time, here are five strategies you can implement:

Set Family Goals and Priorities: Take the time to discuss and establish shared goals and priorities as a family. This could include spending more quality time together, engaging in hobbies, or creating family traditions. By identifying what matters most to your family, you can bring your plans and schedules into alignment. These goals can serve as a guide and a reminder of the importance of intentional family time.
Create a Family Calendar: Utilize a family calendar or planner to schedule and track your family activities, events, and commitments. This can include regular family nights, outings, vacations, or even smaller activities like game nights or movie nights. By having a visual representation of your family's schedule, you can identify available time slots for intentional family time and ensure that it remains a priority. Involve all family members in the planning process to ensure everyone's input is considered and valued.
Create Consistent Routines: Routines provide a structure and predictability to your family's day-to-day life, making it easier to carve out intentional family time. Create routines that incorporate dedicated time for connecting and engaging with your family. This could involve regular meals together, bedtime routines that include storytelling or family discussions, or designated "tech-free" hours. By making intentional family time a regular part of your routines, it becomes a natural and expected part of your family's rhythm. A surprising outcome to a consistent routine is that it provides an opportunity to make those spontaneous moments when you go off script (change your routine) to be even more exciting for everyone.
Plan in Advance: Look at your upcoming week or month and proactively plan for intentional family time. Identify specific days or time slots where you can dedicate uninterrupted time to be fully present with your family. Consider blocking off these periods on your calendar to avoid scheduling conflicts. Additionally, plan activities or outings that align with your family's goals and interests. Having a plan in place ahead of time increases the likelihood of following through and ensures that intentional family time remains a priority amidst other commitments.
Create back pocket activities: create a list of go-to activities that are easy to pull out of your back pocket. Create different theme nights, such as music night, art night, movie night, book night, family walk nights, etc. Create a basket that has all the necessary items for each night ready to pull out and go. You can plan these nights ahead of time, but they are also always ready to go when plans change.

In conclusion

shifting our mindset from "killing time" to recognizing the preciousness of each moment with our family is transformative. By practicing mindfulness, emphasizing quality over quantity, and finding joy in the little things, we can savor the time we spend with our loved ones. Preserving our mental, emotional, and physical energy through self-care, boundaries, and effective time management, allows us to show up fully for our family. By planning ahead, setting goals, utilizing a family calendar, establishing routines, and prioritizing intentional family time, we ensure that our intentions align with our actions. Let us treasure every minute, embrace the joy, and make the most of the gift of time we have with our loved ones, creating a legacy of memories that we will never forget and a childhood our children will cherish.

Chase