How Starting a Weekly Family Meeting Changed Everything: And How You Can Start One
Close up on a tablet with a weekly planner template opened
Introduction:
Picture this evening. It has been a long day at work, filled with physical, mental, and emotionally draining decisions, conversations, and tasks. I swing by the daycare to pick up the kids, with the vain hope that they will not require any more of the energy I don't have left to give. Alas, it's inevitable; one seems like she is strung out on sugar, one is having an emotional breakdown, and the third will not stop talking. Somewhere in my soul, guilt accumulates that my inclination is frustration and annoyance rather than empathy and compassion, but I use the bit of energy I have left to suppress that guilt.
I get all three loaded in the car and then realize we don't have plans for dinner. I call my wife and ask her for the plan. Overhearing the conversation, one child yells "Old McDonald's!" (what she calls McDonald's), and the other yells, "Chick-fil-A!" The infant is just yelling. She, having about as much left in the tank as myself, says she doesn't know and tells me to decide. Now, I know that the cheaper, healthier, and better option would be to go to the grocery store, buy some colorful things from the produce section, go home, and spend time preparing a healthy meal with my kids, sit around the table to eat as we use that time to talk about our days. So, of course, I go to Chick-fil-A, somehow spend $45, go home and turn on Netflix while everyone eats expensive fried food, and just try to make it to bedtime so I can then do something mindless on the couch till I turn in.
Now, there is nothing wrong if this is an occasional occurrence. But when it happens regularly, it is not sustainable for the budget or our collective well-being. There is a better way, but for us to choose the better way, we have to make the choice long before the tank of emotional, mental, and physical energy is drained.
“There is a better way, but for us to choose the better way, we have to make the choice long before the tank of emotional, mental, and physical energy is drained.”
That's why we have a family meeting every week, at which time we make a plan for the week. Our kids are all under 5, so just my wife and I have this meeting, but I look forward to the day when we will include them. We meet every Sunday afternoon while the kids are napping (confession: our 4-year-old has gone cold turkey on naps, but she still goes in her room for quiet time!).
For us, we use this time to do five things:
We sync our calendars.
We plan our menu and make the grocery list (and based on calendars, decide who is cooking).
We plan when we will go to the gym.
We plan a fun family activity for the week.
Update our family budget (plug in the past week's spending into our budget and see where we are).
Right now, this system is working great for us, but it has changed over time and will change again to meet our needs. The benefits to our budget, communication, well-being, and quality of time spent together as a family have been tremendous! It has really been a game-changer. If you're thinking that a weekly family meeting could help your family, here are some things to consider in making it the most for your family's needs.
Benefits of a Family Meeting:
In the midst of our fast-paced lives, finding quality time to connect as a family can be challenging. And finding the energy to spend time in meaningful ways may be hard. That's why it is important to decide early, before the tank is depleted. It doesn't mean you always will decide to wink instead of blink, but your chances go up drastically. Setting aside a small portion of your week to hold a family meeting can have numerous benefits in many areas of your life. In this section, we'll explore the remarkable, and sometimes surprising, advantages of family meetings, from fostering strong family connections to instilling valuable life skills in children. Additionally, we'll uncover some unexpected benefits that can lead to both emotional and financial well-being.
Encouraging Intentionality: Emphasizing Family Values and Strengthening Connections Family meetings create a designated space and time where everyone can come together and align with shared values. By discussing what matters most to your family, you reinforce the importance of these principles in your daily lives. This intentionality helps you better know and understand one another, creating a stronger sense of unity and purpose within the family. This becomes even more intentional if your family has spent time discussing and defining your family's values.
Modeling for Children: Instilling Essential Life Skills Family meetings present a unique opportunity to model essential life skills for children. Without realizing it, they observe collaborative decision-making, active listening, problem-solving, and negotiation in an organic way. Our kids learn valuable tools that will serve them well throughout their lives. Moreover, witnessing effective time management in action empowers them to prioritize their own activities and responsibilities.
Enhancing Communication: Creating a Safe Space for Open Dialogue and Conflict ResolutionLearning to communicate effectively will not only help your family thrive, but it will also help communicate well in situations outside the family setting. Family meetings provide a safe and open environment for family members to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment. This open dialogue fosters understanding and empathy, reducing the chances of unresolved conflicts brewing beneath the surface. Again, this is a wonderful skill to model for our kids, so they can learn to appropriately communicate their own needs and expectations, while also better discerning others'.
Improved Decision-Making: Disagreeing in Love Inviting all family members to participate in decision-making allows for a democratic approach to solving problems and planning activities. When everyone has a say and feels heard, the decisions made are more likely to be embraced by all, leading to more positive outcomes and stronger family unity. If there are disagreements, then great! What an opportunity to practice navigating disagreements while still treating each other with love and respect.
Stress Reduction: Planning and Organizing the Week Ahead Family meetings are proactive stress reducers. By taking the time to plan the upcoming week together, you eliminate last-minute surprises and avoid unnecessary stress. Everyone can coordinate their schedules, ensure that commitments don't clash, and plan for quality family time, reducing the burden on individual family members.
Deepening Bonding: Fostering Meaningful Connections A family meeting is a great opportunity to share experiences and quality time together. These regular gatherings deepen the emotional bonds between family members and reinforce the bond that makes your family a team. The memories and moments created during and from what is planned in family meetings become cherished treasures that are fondly remembered for years to come.
Save Money!! Unexpectedly, family meetings can also lead to financial benefits. By discussing budgets, financial goals, and expenses together, you promote transparency and responsibility when it comes to finances. For us, when we began watching what we spend each week, it made us more aware of our spending habits. Doing so every week allowed us to rein in spending more quickly if needed. This allows you to be more intentional about how you want to spend your resources.
Finding the Perfect Time for Your Family Meeting:
A successful family meeting starts with selecting the ideal time that ensures active and focused participation. Here are some tips to help you find the perfect timing for your family meetings:
Prioritize Unrushed Moments: Choose a Time When the Family Can Gather Without Feeling Rushed or Pressured When picking a suitable time for your family meeting, consider moments when everyone can relax and engage fully in the discussion. Avoid scheduling the meeting during times when family members are likely to feel stressed, rushed, or too tired to fully engage.
Pick Times When You're Energized and Focused: Opt for a time when family members are generally at their best in terms of energy and focus. For some families, morning meetings might work well, while others may find that evenings are more convenient. Understanding your family's natural rhythms can make the meeting more productive and enjoyable for everyone. As I said, in this season of life, it is just my wife and I, and we meet on Sunday afternoons during the kids' nap time.
Consider Everyone's Schedule: Take Into Account Each Family Member's Commitments to Find a Suitable Day and Time Consider everyone's schedules, including work, school, extracurricular activities, and other commitments. Look for overlaps and conflicts, and try to find a time slot that works for the majority of family members.
Establish Consistency: Make the Family Meeting a Regular Event by Scheduling It at the Same Time Every Week Consistency is key to making family meetings effective. Once you've identified a suitable time, commit to holding the meeting at the same day and time every week. This routine will help everyone remember and prioritize the gathering as an important part of your family's schedule.
Flexibility and Prioritization: Be Open to Adjusting the Meeting Time If Necessary While Still Prioritizing Its Importance While consistency is crucial, life can sometimes throw unexpected curveballs. Be open to adjusting the meeting time if necessary due to unforeseen circumstances. However, ensure that the family meeting remains a priority, and reschedule the meeting for a time that works for everyone.
Crafting Your Family Meeting Agenda:
Structuring an agenda that is specific to your family's personality, season of life, and needs is a must. What works for one family won't be what's best for another. What works for this season will be a bad fit for the next season of life. Find what your family needs. Here are some things to consider when crafting your family meeting agenda:
Emphasizing Family Values: Begin the Meeting with a Reminder of Your Family's Core Values and Aspirations Start the meeting by reinforcing your family's core values and aspirations. This can be so valuable in helping your family stay focused on what is most important and make decisions based on the greater things in life. If you haven't done so already, consider using one of your first family meetings to create a list of your family's values. You can go one step further to solidify it by writing a family mission statement. Reminding your family of these values sets the tone for the meeting and helps keep discussions aligned with your family's beliefs and goals.
Check-In and Sharing: Allow Each Family Member to Share Their Experiences Create a safe and open space for each family member to share their experiences and emotions from the previous week. This check-in session encourages active listening and empathy and fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's lives. Make this time as organic or as structured as makes sense for your family. You can have a set of questions you use to guide this time or allow it to be natural.
Addressing Conflict: Create a Safe Space to Address Any Conflicts That May Have Arisen and Work Together on Resolutions Conflict is a natural part of family life. During the meeting, encourage open communication about any conflicts that may have occurred during the week. Create a safe space where family members can express their concerns and work collaboratively to find resolutions and compromises. Helping your kids develop conflict resolution skills and see conflict as an opportunity for growth will serve them well in life.
Reviewing the Past Week: Reflect on the Previous Week's Successes, Challenges, and Lessons Learned. Celebrate! Take time to reflect on the successes and challenges of the past week. Celebrate achievements, no matter how small, and acknowledge the efforts made by each family member. Discuss any lessons learned from difficult situations to encourage growth and resilience.
Scheduling: Coordinate Family Members' Calendars, Plan Meals, Workouts, Chores, and Schedule Quality Family Time Use the family meeting to synchronize calendars and plan the week ahead. Schedule appointments, extracurricular activities, and other commitments to avoid conflicts and unmet expectations. You can plan meals together, decide on household chores, and set aside time for quality family activities. Deciding these things earlier prioritizes them and gives you a better chance of doing them.
Setting Goals: Establish Collective and Individual Goals for the Upcoming Week, Promoting Personal Growth and Achievement Engage in goal-setting as a family. Discuss collective goals that focus on improving family dynamics and achieving common objectives. Encourage each family member to set individual goals related to personal growth, academic achievements, hobbies, or anything they wish to pursue. Setting good goals and making a plan to accomplish them is a skill that takes practice. If you can help your kids learn this skill, it will be like a superpower in their lives.
Budgeting: Every family handles finances in a different way, but consider how you can use this family meeting to your advantage. My wife and I update our budget app during this time. It shows us how we are doing with spending so far this month and helps us make more informed decisions on whether we need to cut back a bit or if we have a little extra and decide what we will do with it (save for X or go to a nice dinner?). Also, it helps us stay on track with our short and long-term financial goals. I look forward to one day modeling this for our kids so they can develop healthy financial habits long before they have an opportunity to make any significant financial mistakes.
Ending the Meeting on a Positive Note:
As the family meeting draws to a close, it's essential to conclude on a positive and uplifting note that leaves everyone feeling appreciated and connected. Here are some meaningful ways to end your family meeting on a high:
Gratitude and Appreciation: End the Meeting by Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation Take a moment to express heartfelt gratitude and appreciation to each family member. Recognize and acknowledge the unique strengths and qualities that each person brings to the family dynamic. By expressing gratitude, you foster an atmosphere of positivity and reinforce the value of each family member's involvement.
Prayer or Rituals: Incorporate Family Prayers or Establish a Closing Ritual for Unity If your family is spiritual, consider ending the meeting with a family prayer that aligns with your beliefs and values. This practice can bring a sense of peace, connection, and gratitude for the blessings in your lives. It can also be fun to establish a unique closing ritual that signifies the end of the meeting. Consider creating a family song (like a university's alma mater) that you sing loudly and obnoxiously every time, or create a goofy family handshake that your kids will always remember.
Share Encouragement and Love: Personally, I think this is most important. Use this time to provide encouragement and remind your family they are appreciated and loved. I want to remind my family that there is nothing they could ever do to make me love them more, and there is nothing they could ever do to make me love them less. They have my love. Period. Saying and showing "I love you" is something I will never wish I did less.
Conclusion:
Life goes by terribly too fast. Our kids are growing and learning at a pace nearly impossible to keep up with. If we are not intentional about our time and decisions, it may pass us by before we know it, and we are left wondering where it all went. Taking time every week to be together, plan together, and grow together will only be an asset in your effort to make the most of the little time we have, in your effort to turn a blink into a wink.